I feel like delivering some version of the "'we will fight them on the beaches' speech." I've been thinking about a comment on a post a couple of entries back. Anonymous writes: "You sound really afraid of people's reactions. I thought maybe you were a newbie to crip world but your profile says you've been doing this blog for seven years."
That got me thinking. I haven't actually been blogging for seven years; there was a previous blog that I deleted. Wheelchair Dancer goes back to 2006 (anniversary is Monday, Wizard reminds me). The first part of Anon's comment is about reaction. My reaction to other people. It would be dishonest of me to say that I didn't care about that. I do care. A lot. I care about how the things that mark me as different are read. I agree that it ought to be possible to go through life with a kind of "dammit, I'll do it anyway" attitude. But that's not me. (Is writing this whole post a fear of reaction?) I do worry about reaction -- in the way I dress and speak; I carefully manage my appearance. It's kind of a personal defence philosophy: if you can manage reaction, you won't experience prejudice. When my attempts fail, I do get angry.
In some ways, Anonymous is right: my early posts were often about this anger; there were posts about angry interactions with people on street, in stores, in the subway, coffee shops, parking lots .... you name it. My favourite of this kind is from 2008: a Whole Foods scene. (That place just seems to bring out the entitlement in people, including, it seems, me.)
But, in some important ways, I think Anon has it wrong. I think anger is important. It isn't only newbies who have these experiences and get angry (though, as you look at people starting their blogs, there is a lot of those kinds of entries). It shouldn't have to be the case that you get used to the ugly stuff to such a point that you are no longer angry. I've written some fairly sophisticated angry pieces (a fave is here, also from 2008 -- guess it was a good year), but I don't know why sophisticated or, for that matter, experienced anger is significantly better than newbie anger. They can be different, yes, but one isn't necessarily better than another.
And then, there's the way these things happen. The first one hundred occasions may not bite the deepest, but the smallest and least of them all can sometimes be the worst. Some what later in the history of this blog are a series of entries on how to make these interactions go better. What can one say to change people's minds. How could I, personally, facilitate change? (Can't find them, but they were probably also from 2008, smile.)
I realized as I was writing the post that it was different from a lot of my more recent posts, but I did want to have it there. I stopped writing about the daily microaggressions, because they weren't definitive of me or my life. I didn't want to keep writing the same rant over and over again -- as important as it was. And when I stopped writing those posts, the blog began to take on a more theoretical aspect. But the experiences didn't go away -- nor did the anger.
I believe that having that anger and expressing it are important. Being able to express those feelings neutralizes them. I am then able to see and create a more complex analysis of the systems and structures -- the concepts and abstractions -- that shape and surround my life.
I agree
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add that for me as a person with a disability if there aremother issues going on in my life my reaction varies. We should not have to set aside being human or individuals.
I think nearly all of us care on some level what people think. It's an ongoing struggle to live life authentically without giving in to other people's perceptions of how we should be. Particularly when you, as someone with a disability, are perceived in some ridiculously inaccurate ways.
ReplyDeleteI agree that anger can be good: passionate reactions against ignorant prejudice is the only way that people might start to learn. I don't think you should be silent about people's stupidity.
People have to keep speaking out!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog a few weeks ago and I love all your posts. This one, especially, really resonates with me. As a newbie disabled person, many of my posts and talking is about how angry I am at all these small and sometimes HUGE things, but the thing that frightens me is not that I'll be a repetitive bore, but that at some point I'll stop recognizing these instances as wrong and inappropriate and harmful but just as another day of life.
Wow, I completely disagree with that commenter. Anger is not only a completely natural human emotion when one is being wronged, I think that it's a healthy emotion, on the individual and societal level. When did complacency ever lead to change? Nobody learns anything if we don't say anything, and real learning rarely happens if you don't make them feel something. It's exhausting to be an advocate, to be responsive, to be passionate. But it's necessary! I value my own worth as a person, and the worth of everyone else in the disability community, too much to stop fighting, accepting whatever the universe decides to throw at us, like we deserve no better. And I've been disabled all my life; I never was a newbie. Especially in my role as a middle school teacher, I often speak up about issues dealing with race, culture, language, and sexuality. Why wouldn't I be just as quick to advocate for my own community?
ReplyDeletethe link on "Anonymous writes" jumps to my comment about being scared of people. I didn't say anything there about anger, and certainly not against anger. If anything I'd have to say I am for it, as in my comment there, "Deal with me. Deal with it”. I have no problem with anger at all. I think it's a survival thing that tells other people where our boundaries are--"Don't tread on me".---Zha
ReplyDeleteFor whatever it is worth, most of my disabilities have been present since birth. A couple weren't actually diagnosed until later but were still present all along. And I have indeed experienced many sorts of "micro agressive" incidents since childhood as a result.
ReplyDeleteOn one hand ... yes, I probably do sometimes brush off some of these incidents more than a "newbie" might because I have to some extent become resigned to them. But I do still become angry, and have sometimes lost my temper similar to the way WCD describes some of her own incidents of losing her temper (oh boy, do I relate).
I don't think becoming angry is unique to people newer to disability. I think it is partly a matter of personality and the kinds of experiences you've been exposed to influencing how you respond to later incidents of micro agressions.