A Gentle Holiday

Random vignettes and thoughts.

Wizard and I are alone this year. Our first. In very many years. We aren't travelling. We aren't seeing friends and family. We are seeing each other. And it feels good. We're drinking espresso, listening to slightly melancholy music and overly happy Christmas music, and making food in our new house: the first meal.

It's been a wild ride to get to this point of rest. The other night, we lost my wheelchair for a couple of minutes. The Wizard drives a two seater, so we have a bike rack onto which we bunjy-cord my chair. We were driving around SF, frantically trying to park in a hilly, residential neighbourhood. We backed into spots that were too small, turned around in garage ways, drove, accelerated, braked, and "OMG, your wheelchair's gone!" I laughed, disbelievingly. But, no. Wizard was right. The chair was gone; in fact, the whole attachment for the bike rack was gone. We couldn't believe we hadn't heard it fall. And then, the big question -- where the hell was it?

Wizard turned the car around, and we started backtracking. Up this street, down the next, zig zagging across the roads. Finally, we saw it lying on the sidewalk; it was still firmly attached to the bike rack. All safe and sound. On the one hand, I was relieved. On the other, I was already envisaging an insurance claim for new wheels... (Such a mercenary.) We will be securing the bike rack to the car a little more firmly -- it probably has something to do with the way the Wizard drives.

Yesterday, we received news that an old family friend had died. She was "supposed" to die in the summer, but, well, I imagine that we don't always die on schedule. My grandmother came really close back in October; she's "supposed" to be dead now, but she's still here. My mother-in-law was "supposed" to die two years ago, but she died this year. Now, we have news of this loss. We called her Auntie as a way of recognizing that our two families were going to be close; our mothers had met in nursing school and had known each other for a long while. The two women sustained their friendship with phone calls and the occasional coffee/lunch on Saturday. As time passed, we girls never quite managed to become friends with her boys, for the usual kinds of reasons of geography and scheduling. We met on holidays and saw each other at the occasional Saturday lunch. My family grieves with and for hers.

And speaking of mourning, today also brought news of another passing. This time of a bright, beautiful, clever, cynical, witty, gentle, principled human being. He, too, was not "supposed" to die this young. Some people when you meet them glow brightly and strongly. Even if you see a wisp of fragility under that light, you forget and turn towards the light and let it show you ways of being, of engaging, and committing. He, too, will be missed.

Our house is done. We've moved our some of our stuff in -- though we aren't actually sleeping here yet. We have to move the cat, and she is best moved at a time when we can be with her to settle her in. But we have a pretty tree, and tonight, we will cook our first meal. Unfortunately, as long time followers of this blog might know, I am no cook. So, it was always going to be a little chaotic if I had anything to do with the food. And I did. I shopped for things that I like to eat and thought I might want to eat. Wizard notices some facts -- no onion? No. No onion. I don't like eating onion in particular; I admit it is good for cooking, but it is not something I would think to buy. So, we have a collection of things I like to eat: chestnuts, walnuts, kale, plantain, ginger, yam, apple, red and yellow peppers, and ... a Sancerre.

As I write, the cooking is going well; the house smells of food and cooking. So, if you celebrated today, for whatever reason, and also if you holed up at home or escaped to a retreat, I wish you and yours gentleness and joy.