Street Encounters #2
First, I notice her singularities; she's well dressed, unsteady on her feet, overmade up, pushing a grocery cart, and watching over shopping bags from a local upscale store. I cross the road, come up the ramp/kerbcut, and stop as she approaches. "F* you!" she yells. Yes, just like that. I look at her, more than a little surprised. Well-dressed old ladies in velvet hats and suede/velvet shoes don't usually out of the blue yell obscenities at strangers. I say nothing and wheel on.
But the insult stings. It shouldn't, but it does. I look back at her and decide to move on, but part of me wants to have it out with her. I turn back. I glare at her -- and she gets the message; I am pissed.
This doesn't show me in a very good light, but, sigh, here goes. I double back; I'm a little scared of her. Does she have a weapon? Something she can use to hurt me? Then, I see, as I get closer, that now she's a little scared of me. Somehow, though, that doesn't stop me. I wheel up close to her cart (but not her person) and look her straight in the eye. "That was wholly unwarranted," I say in my poshest English accent, "and singularly discourteous." We stare at each other. "You should know better," I say, reaching for my mother's voice. I stare at her, noting again her pearly pink lipstick, the beige-ish blusher, and overall brown tones to her clothing. What is up with this woman? I can't decide whether I want to be menacing or stay on something close to the moral high road. She stares back. No one says another word. I turn and proceed down the street.
Over lunch, Wizard and I discuss her attitude. "Oh, she probably thought you were part of some death panel coming to take her Medicare," he jokes sourly. I try to diagnose her. She wasn't homeless in any obvious sense; was this a psychiatric disability (disability being no respecter of persons and social class)?; Tourette's? Simple meanness? Racism? An overdose of reading the Old Woman/Purple Poem? In the distance, we see the shape of her shopping cart; we watch as she limps in a direction away from us.
I should probably have let it pass; I should certainly have stopped when I realized she was scared of me. I am only a little bit sorry.
5 comments:
WCD, you and I are a lot alike in our reactions to people. Your reaction was mild, though I sense the emotion behind it; she's also putting herself in danger by yelling these things at people. Older people and mentally ill people are at terrible risk of violence themselves, and I don't think it's wrong for someone to call her out on her behavior. While we cannot know how bad any possible mental illness is for her, most people still know the difference between right and wrong and even mental illness can't be used as an excuse for abusive behavior. It's possible she was more out of it than that, though. Such weirdness as you experienced is not at all infrequent to me now that I use the scooter.
My 85-year old grandmother also reports being yelled out twice recently by the same guy when she's at the store with my uncle--he talks on his cell phone and removes it from his face long enough to yell at them, "get out of my way, can't you see I'm in a hurry?" Ah, the incivilities.
As I read, I find myself empathizing with your reactions and emotions (yes, glare...), and also puzzled at the woman's behavior and cause, but not surprised.
For me, I'm trying to adjust how I react in some situations (and I can react pretty quickly). I'm trying to adjust how I react because I want to react in ways that make me happy or ways that I'm more okay with. Perhaps I don't want to react TO people as much as I do because then I'm in a constant state of reaction, in a way. I don't mean this at all as a criticism (I'm still getting over the guy trying to block you and Wizard!), but I was just thinking of myself and how I might want to react...I am extending your politeness in my mind to imagine myself asking, "Excuse me?"--hmmm, or might that provoke? Or I imagine my surprised, "Oh, I'm sorry, you MUST have me confused with somebody else." Could I be that prepared to say something that calm? That "benefit-of-the-doubt-ish"? I mean what if this woman has Tourettte's or something else beyond her control...how could I allow her a graceful way out? Hmm...my hindsight is always 20/20 or probably not even that, but I do wonder how to handle the unpredictableness of strangers and why they do what they do altogether!
Hi,
Came via Diane, the old woman sounds like she was drunk.
What an ecounter.
Hope your Wednesday is good.
Love,
Herrad
LOL, I am more concerned about YOU than the woman in velvet. How DO you keep crossing these whackos? I lived for 16 years on a street full of druggies, mental patients, drunks, etc., LOTS of f u, t that, all day and night, but no one EVER messed with me in my scooter or wheelchair. (Actually, I messed with them more, but that's another story.) My guess is that this woman (if she even "saw" you initially) felt cut off or pissed off that you had a curb kut. OR, that you had a nice WC while she had to limp along; OR, here at my new assisted living.retirement home, I find many old folks see me as being lazy because I am in a WC. They would APPLAUDE me if I half crawled with a walker instead. One such 80-something from my past, was a former model of some fame in her day, and she treated me like $%^& the day I first started using a scooter. She felt if I just ran with her (she ran miles every day) I would not need the scooter...yeah.
And yes, she used the F word freely. Now, could she be a racist? Possibly. And it could all have been about that. (Those flames have been ingnited lately.) What I LOVE was your reply to her! LOL Terrific. Stunned her. Why? A woman of color knew big words? A woman in a WC new big words? SHE had no idea what you were saying? She has Alzheimer's and wondered who you were? A mystery. Hey, you could go back there, wait to see her again and ASK her, "Why me?"
I want to see a dance video of you and start shooting (w/a CAMERA or CAM) these odd confrontations. ooooo I wait in anticipation!!
Dx: Mild schizophrenia. You surprised her as she was in "dialog" with some of her voices. —Shrink
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